The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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