Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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