I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
