My hand turned me down
well I can't set my house on fire every night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dicks are not precious.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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