I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
