Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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