Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
