Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
