im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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