I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
