I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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