Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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