Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
