she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
