No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
