New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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