he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
