another moral hangover. fuck.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
