i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
