I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
