Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
