I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I party with great urgency now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
