I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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