HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
