Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
