this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
