i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
