I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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