i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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