I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
