I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Randomize
