she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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