i was born a porn star she said
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
