I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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