The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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