I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
