she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
