I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
