Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
