loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
