My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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