So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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