I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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