I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
