my vag is so smooth its legendary
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
