it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
