dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
