omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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