Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
