I wish I could teleport
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
